This Was It (Scene 1-3)

This Was It

SCENE 1

Two people are lying down on the street, next to a dumpster. One of them, Sunseed, is obviously awake, scratching her head in frustration, trying to sleep, but can’t. She looks to be in her early twenties, wearing a well-made nightgown. She is unfazed by the cold. The other seems to be sleeping, and seems to be a male in his late thirties, dressed much like a homeless person that has been on the streets for years.

Sunseed: Are you awake?

Howl: Uh. Yeah, I am now. What is it now?

Sunseed: I can’t sleep. I’m going through that insomniac phase again.

Howl: So? What the fuck do you want me to do about it?

Sunseed: Well, you can stay up with me.

Howl: Fuck, I’m not doing that. I’m going back to sleep.

Sunseed: No, Howl. Please, stay up. We can talk about… (hesitates) Things. Yeah, things.

Howl: Things like what?

Sunseed: Urm.. Well, things like global warming and world politics and stuff. That’s what people talk about, don’t they?

Howl: But most of those people don’t know what they’re talking about. And so do you. So shut up and let me have a shut eye.

Sunseed: You’re mean, you know that, Howl? You insult me as if I don’t know a thing in the world. I know lots of things… Like daddy-long-legs are the most poisonous insects in the world, but their fangs can’t pierce skin. Did you know that?

Howl: You stupid shit. That’s not true at all. That’s just some stupid myth some loser created. I’m going back to sleep. Don’t wake me up again, or I’ll kill you.

Sunseed: It’s true though. I’m sure it is. It’s not the type of thing someone would just make up out of nothing. It’s too far-fetched for it to be made up, so it must be true.

[silence]

Sunseed: Howl?

[long silence]

Sunseed: HOOOOOOWWWWL!

Howl: What the-? Can’t you just shut the hell up? I’m trying to- (Sunseed shuts Howl’s mouth with his right hand, and points to the sky with the other)

Sunseed: Isn’t it funny how we can see stars even when they’re so far away, Howl? I mean, you can’t see a lighthouse from hundreds of miles away, but you can see a star light-years from here. That’s amazing, isn’t it?

[Howl pushes away Sunseed’s hand]

Howl: I don’t FUCKING CARE! I’m trying to FUCKING SLEEP! Shut the FUCK UP!

Sunseed: You know, Howl. You are one rude little chap. I think you should watch your language more.

Howl: Who the hell uses the word ‘chap’ anymore?! You fucking asshole.

Sunseed: I do. Mind your manners, Howl. I’m trying to have a decent conversation with you here.

Howl: Well, I’m not. I’m trying to FUCKING SLEEP!

Sunseed: Now, Howl. I would appreciate it if you would be more civilised, at least while having a conversation.

Howl: I’m not gonna have a FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU! I’m going back to sleep, prick.

Sunseed: You’re being such a bastard, Howl.

Howl: I’m not talking to you. I’m sleeping.

Sunseed: Howl.

[silence]

Sunseed: Hooowl. Howl. Howlie.

[silence]

Sunseed: Howliekins. Howl. Wowl. Woolie Howl. Wakie wakie.

[silence]

Howl: Fuck off.

Sunseed: You remember when we were in love, Howl? Oh, we were in love, weren’t we? It was spring, and oh, how lovely was our young, innocent love, naïve and free-spirited. Don’t you remember, Howl?

Howl: (with despair) Yes… We were in love… How could I forget?

Sunseed: You didn’t use to swear at me all the time, didn’t you, Howl?

Howl: No, dear. How could I? When I was with you, I just couldn’t be angry at all. Not with that smile.

Sunseed: And you didn’t use to try and ignore me, Howl. You listened to everything I said, no matter how stupid or mundane it was. You loved my voice, didn’t you?

Howl: I did. That sweet voice. I could’ve sworn you were an angel when I first heard you. I loved that voice.

Sunseed: Then what changed, Howl?

Howl: You did, dear. You went off with someone else. You betrayed me.

Sunseed: I’m here, aren’t I?

Howl: It’s not the same… It’s just not anymore…

[Light fades. Howl’s sobs are heard, as he cries himself to sleep]


SCENE 2

Sunseed: Howl. It’s morning. Rise and shine, dear.

[Howl slowly wakes up, realises it’s Sunseed]

Howl: No. No no, no. You’re not real. What the fuck are you doing here?

Sunseed: What ever do you mean, Howl?

Howl: You, GOD DAMN IT! You’re gone. You left me, all those years ago. You can’t be real!

Sunseed: Isn’t it obvious, Howl? I’m here because I care, Howl. And deep inside I know you want me to be here. Howl, look at me. How am I not real? Look into my eyes and say to my face that I’m not real. What about last night, Howl? I watched you cry yourself to sleep. Do you know how heartbreaking that was, Howl? To see the love of my life just cry himself further into his own nightmare?

Howl: No. You’re a dream. You’re supposed to be a FUCKING DREAM! You’re not supposed to be here. I’m awake, aren’t I?

Sunseed: You can’t be more awake than you are now, Howl. Do you love me, Howl? Do you still love me after all those years?

Howl: I can’t love something that’s not real.

Sunseed: Oh, still not convinced, are we?

[Silence]

Sunseed: But love is real, Howl. Isn’t that enough? You do love me, Howl. And you know it better than me.

[Again, silence. Howl broods, curses and turns away from Sunseed]

Sunseed: Howl, can I ask you something?

[Silence]

Sunseed: I’ll ask you anyway. Why does it matter that I’m real, Howl? I mean, even if I’m just in your head, that doesn’t mean I’m not real. I’m real to you. That’s what reality is. It’s what we perceive. No one else can tell you what reality is, because the truth is, they can be as, if not more, schizophrenic as you. Don’t believe what they say, Howl. I’m real to you. Isn’t that enough?

[Silence]

Sunseed: I guess that isn’t really a proper question, is it? [Giggles]

Howl: No, it isn’t.

Sunseed: Oh, now we’re talking.

Howl: What are you?

Sunseed: You.

Howl: What’s that fucking supposed to mean?

Sunseed: I’m you.

Howl: Bullshit.

Sunseed: I’m a creature of your mind.

Howl: No, you’re not. You exist in real life.

Sunseed: Yes. But the real me is happily married, somewhere with someone. [Pause.] Else. I’m your version of me fifteen years ago.

Howl: Disappear then.

Sunseed: Oh, it’s not that easy, Howl. I’ll disappear only if you want me to disappear.

Howl: I want you to disappear.

Sunseed: [in a mocking voice] Oh, my. I’m disappearing. Oh, look. My legs are disappearing! Would you look at that? Now it’s my face. Please, stop that, Howl. I’m mel…..ting… Save me, Hoooooooowl.

[Silence]

Sunseed: Howl, you have to really want me to disappear. You can’t say it but not mean it.

[Howl takes out a handgun from the back of the dumpster, aims it at Sunseed]

Howl: This should do the trick then.

Sunseed: HOWL! WHAT THE-

[Howl pulls the trigger several times. Five shots are heard. Sunseed falls to the ground.]

[Silence. Howl sighs in relief. More silence.]

[Sunseed stands up. She is bleeding, and her gown is stained with blood and on it are five holes, almost as if her gown had been dyed red. But she appears fine otherwise.]

Sunseed: Howl, I’m still here.

[Howl stares at her with disbelief, then realises he has one bullet left.]

Howl: I’ll shoot you in the goddamn head. See how you like that.

Sunseed: [laughs.] Do you think that will make any difference, Howl? I guess if you wanna talk to a disfigured face all day, then it’s your choice. But I’d still be talking.

[Howl points the gun to her head, hesitates, then with despair puts it in the dumpster]

Sunseed: Howl, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Howl: How else can it be then?

Sunseed: However you want it to be, Howl.

Howl: Stop talking in FUCKING CLICHES!

Sunseed: You stop thinking in clichés then.

[Silence. Howl starts to cry and lets himself fall down the floor. He whispers something, but it is inaudible.]

Sunseed: You know what would be lovely, Howl? A cup of tea. Yes, a nice cup of tea. Look at the weather, Howl. It’s perfect weather. Perfect for a nice sit-down picnic in the park with tea and sandwiches. Sandwiches like the ones I used to make for you. Oh, weren’t they just delicious, Howl? [Howl pays no attention, and is still crying.] Thank you, Howl. I know you liked them. Everyone liked them. My friends said they would gladly pay for them, even though I used to bring them to the office and give them out for free.

[Sunseed looks at Howl, who is still crying, although less now. She sits by Howl, and starts playing with his hair.]

Sunseed: My friends used to say bad things about you, Howl. They didn’t like you very much, did they? But I still loved you, Howl. And I still love you. Don’t you love me, Howl?

[Silence. Howl has stopped crying, but is still on the floor.]

Sunseed: Howliekins.

Howl: I… Sunny… I… I wasn’t the best for you, I know… You didn’t deserve me.

Sunseed: Howliekins. Don’t say that. Sure, the real me would think that now, but this is me, fifteen years ago. Who adores you. Who loves you. Who will do anything for you.

Howl: I know…

(light fades)



SCENE 3

Playground.

Girl: Hi, my name’s Sunseed. What’s yours?

Boy: Uh… I’m Howl.

Girl: Howl? Wow. That’s a weird name. Isn’t Howl how wolves sound like? I think they do.

Boy: Well, urm, Sunseed sounds like a pack of crisps.

Girl: [giggles] You’re funny. I like you.

Boy: Thanks?

Girl: You’re welcome. [giggles]

[pause]

Girl: Why are you quiet? C’mon, let’s have a race to the swings.

The girl runs off stage. Howl seems reluctant, then decides to join her and runs off stage.

SCENE 4

Fifteen years ago from the present. Howl is younger. Sunseed looks the same as she was in the first scene, except both of them are in casual wear. They are sitting in a restaurant.

Sunseed: Howl, I -

Howl: I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I thought you loved me

Sunseed: I didn’t mean for this to happen. It just did, okay? I’m sorry, Howl...

[silence]

Sunseed: Please Howliekins –

Howl: Don’t you dare call me that. Not after what you did.

[silence]

Howl: How… How could you? After all these years. Why now? Why the fuck do you have to do this now?

Sunseed: You know it’s not that simple, Howl. It’s… Complicated.

Howl: Then could you at least try to explain it to me? Have you tried that?

[silence]